It’s been a tumultuous ten years at Pocket Gamer. We’ve had ups, we’ve had downs, and we’ve had moments that veered pretty close to the insane.
Not naming names, but some of us have veered much closer to insanity than others. And all in the name of creating glorious content for you, our beautiful and loyal readers.
So we figured our tenth anniversary was as good a time as any to have a look back at some of the weirder moments in Pocket Gamer history.
They’ll make you laugh, they’ll make you cry, they’ll make you wonder how we ever got this far in the first place. Enjoy!
That time Cara Ellison’s phone shouted at her about beef
I don’t care what you say, Cara’s Crap Apps was the finest column this website has ever produced. It ran for three editions, but the best moment in that brief canon came in the form of BEEFWAR.
I was planning on taking some choice quotes from each of the articles and pasting them here so you could get a general gist before clicking through, but honestly, the whole thing is solid gold.
That time I went mad about cubes
Ah Curiosity. What a total shambles that turned out to be. We had some fun though didn’t we, tapping away all those meaningless layers so a man could win a prize and then not get any of that prize.
I had more fun than most. You can tell because I started saying things like “I began to see snatches of the beast then, its single lidless eye wreathed in tentacles, each of the slimy appendages ending in a dirty finger. Always, it rapped on the outside of my room. Always, it desired to find what was inside.”
Perfectly healthy behaviour I’m sure you’ll agree.
That time Mike Rose reviewed an Angry Birds board game
It isn’t all apps here at Pocket Gamer. Sometimes we put our phones down and try and hold things that aren’t smooth rectangles of glass and plastic.
Usually it doesn’t end very well though. Like the time PG alumni Mike Rose tried to play Angry Birds: Knock on Wood.
To quote him: “We seriously cannot understand how a child would be able to play Knock on Wood. Of course, children usually have more persistence when it comes to physical challenges such as this, so perhaps it’s our august maturity that’s the issue.”
You can read the whole review here. It’s pretty good.
That time we killed Lara Croft loads
Oooooh a video. This one is all about hilarious deaths in a Tomb Raider endless runner. Rag doll physics plus comedy music followed by a surprisingly sombre twist makes for content gold!
I did feel a bit bad when I was making this. Not bad enough to stop, but bad enough to type in an article in the future that I felt a bit bad.
That time (the last time) I was allowed to use Photoshop
Wearables were all everyone was talking about in the past. Now it’s all VR, which I guess is also sort of a wearable. Anyway, I went ahead and made some predictions about what we’d be wearing next.
For some reason someone thought this was a good idea. And I got to write things like “maybe put a screen on your jumper next time you go out just in case anyone sees you and thinks that you’re not wearing any wearables.”
If you want to see what it might look like if you could read text messages off your cat, then head over to the article right here.
That time Peter upset everyone
Video time again! And this one features everyone’s favourite Peter, Peter. He decided to tackle the big question of the era – is Angry Birds Go! better than Mario Kart? He said yes. He didn’t mean it.
But a lot of people thought he did mean it, which made the whole thing even funnier. Have a watch of the video below, and if you want to get irrationally angry about it then please do. Because it’ll be funny again.
That time we predicted the re-rise of VR
Yup, you read that right. In 2008 we predicted that VR was coming back. And it did. It just took a long while to get here. Doesn’t make us any less right.
I mean, technically we just reported on some goggles you could attach to your phone that were similar to watching what was going on on your mobile on a 62-inch TV. But we reckon we were still ahead of the curve.
This article features the best picture of a man in a jumper that the world has ever seen as well. Seriously, go check it out, it’s incredible.
That time James stapled Alysia’s head
Some people will do anything for victory. While he might seem sweet and giving on the outside, on the inside James Gilmour is a raging mess of hormones, rage, and lust for victory.
I mean it. Just watch this video. And then try and figure out why he isn’t in jail. (It’s because we’re all to scared to dob him in).
That time Anthony Usher railed against the outside
Look, we all like games, but are they better than real life? I mean, in some cases, yes. You shouldn’t kill people in real life, but it’s quite nice to kill digital people in games.
But fresh air, jumpers for goalposts, all of that sort of stuff, is that really worth abandoning in favour of playing football on your mobile or handheld?
Ant thought so. You can read why by clicking on this link right here.
That time some of us grew moustaches
Don’t let it be said that we’re not a charitable bunch here at Pocket Gamer. Sometimes we even grow facial hair in order to earn money for other people.
Obviously we made some content out of it as well, by showing off the best moustaches in videogaming. To be honest, I mainly wanted to include this because I got to type moustache.
Moustache is a funny word. Anyway, check out the article to see some more moustaches. Moustaches moustaches moustaches. Bye.